My mom is a busy lady. I finally caught up with her on the phone yesterday, which in and of itself is a rarity! When I was asking mom what she was going to do for her birthday she said that she really doesn't like birthdays- the day itself. She said that the day makes her sad. She enjoys the other pieces that go with birthdays, but just not the day itself. Since I didn't want to press and chance both of us in tears, I told her I understood and we went on with more cheerful planning of how we would celebrate together.
After our good-byes and last night, I thought about how she would feel sad for her birthday. I realized then it is because birthdays are for celebrating with..... family. And our family of five became three in just a few short years. I think about that my mom grows older but faces it with less people in her life to surround her with love. I can't begin to imagine how the day reminds her that her oldest daughter died before her and what a traumatic experience burying a child must be. She was/is my sister, but she grew in my heart, not inside my body. And then there is my sweet daddy. My mom and dad defied the odds and remained married for forty-three years and he was taken from her. I can imagine not having a card "from Me" is sad. Although I understand that it must be sad, I wish her nothing but the best and am SO glad that she is still with me on this earth. I don't know what I would do without her.
I am much more of a "list" person, so here are some things that make my mom so special:
* My mom is grace under fire. She is NEVER going to say or do the wrong thing. She is always going to smile and make sure no one gets their feeling's hurt, take another bite of the food even though it tastes horrible (or like pure nicotine), act gracious even when she doesn't "feel" it, and is never going to talk badly about anyone. When my sisters and I would get into one of our "kicks" and may say some unkind (and rather funny) statements about someone....mother would just shake her head and laugh and say "you girls". I don't know how she deals with me because I am just like my dad- when it comes to mind, it usually comes out of mouth. Not always the popular things or the "right" things to say, but we did. We never intend to hurt anyone's feelings, but sometimes that might be a consequence. Not my mom- which is a wonderful trait. She can be counted on to listen without judgement and she will always be invited back to someone's house!
* My mom can cook and bake like no one I have ever seen or met. Those tv people have nothing on her. She takes time to really think through what someone would want/like and takes the extra steps to make things "perfect". She will throw away a cake if it isn't just right...which I have told her I would happily dispose of as long as it tastes good...as it always does. My mom was a stay-at-home mom, which I didn't appreciate at the time, but now know how rare and wonderful that was. She made dinner EVERY night and we sat down and ate at the table between 6 and 7 each evening. My mother was born and raised in New York so we were exposed to various foods and not typical southern meals. That may be why I never knew what a "grit" was until I was well into my teens (and still don't eat them), and we didn't have typical Sunday "dinner" which is a major meal in the middle of the day on Sunday... no, we had a simple lunch because Sunday is the Sabbath and you didn't cook or wash clothes, or mow the grass on Sunday. Remember too, we didn't have a big extended family, so there was no need for 2 meats, 5 sides, biscuits, pudding, etc. for us. Besides the fact that one of "us girls" eats no vegetables, one eats no meat, and one was in-between. Can you imagine how frustrating that would be? Although we were not going to complain- dad made sure we didn't because mom had spent time making the food. Mom was pretty good about it- she would let us exchange food across plates and turn away as I hid peas in my napkin. Gosh, wonder who it is that doesn't eat vegetables?
* She taught us etiquette and made us use our manners. We knew that no one was ever to call between 6 and 7 because that is the "dinner hour" , you don't ever say "huh", and if you have to expel gas you have to do it in another room (clearing throat and thinking of the Brown family visit), etc. etc.
* Mother really has a thing about the English language. When you respond on the phone, the proper way is "this is she" not "this is her". I can't tell you to this day how to pronounce "hanger" because I do it wrong every time. She has tried to explain it, but I just can't grasp it. Has something to do with what part of the word to stress. I just tell her I am way too southern for her and it's her fault- she had me in the south and raised me in the south, so what can she expect. Oh, oh, oh... don't forget that you don't end a sentence with a preposition. That is very important. :)
* My mother grew up on a farm. This is a good thing because she made sure that "us girls" never had to grow a single crop, plant, milk a cow, or anything that was associated with farming. That is a good thing for me- because I sure don't like to touch dirt and don't like animals. She also made sure that we stayed in the south because she never ever wanted to be cold again. So much so that she has made us promise not to bury her because she doesn't want to be in the cold ground. Gotta love it! We are going to put her in a vault and keep her warm. When Shelly and I go shopping, we will stop by to visit. Although, I am hoping that is not for many, many, many years to come!
* My mom loves us unconditionally. She loves my child as much as she possibly can, however, I love the fact that when it comes down to it, Shelly, Kim and I are "her girls" and we count most. She has put up with more drama than anyone should have to. She can gently laugh as we reminisce over some of the more dramatic events, especially when we discuss how much one of us "loved a good wedding". She never judges us and as different as we are, she loves us each and takes us at face value. When we fall, she picks us back up. When we hurt, she hurts with us. Most importantly, my mom prays for us.
* My mom lives a Godly life. She made sure to have us in church and even as a teenager made sure that if I was spending the night with a friend on Saturday night that she picked me up for Sunday School and church services on Sunday morning. It didn't matter that I was the only teenager in the whole church, I needed to be at church. What a great thing to be able to say now. When I went to a Presbyterian college, I knew my mom would be proud. I really do love the Presbyterian denomination and wish there was a Presbyterian church locally to worship in, but my mom taught us that we needed to feel good about our church and find the right one. Church isn't just something to show up to on Sunday morning for everyone to "see" you, it is a place that believers join together to worship and praise. My mom served as an Elder in our church for more years than I can count. What a role model- I feel certain that when she first became an elder that there had not been many females before her. I can honestly say that sometimes I was jealous and bratty about the time she spend at church and with church events, but now I am so proud of the fact that I can say that my mom loves her church and her God and I know she is blessed and highly favored. When judgement day comes, her lists of rights will surpass her lists of wrongs. I think the faith goes back to the first point I made- her faith gives her a peace and grace that is truly fitting for her.
* My mom can manage money. She taught us a very valuable character trait that you don't talk about money- it's just tacky. You don't need to discuss it and brag- it doesn't do anything but make you look "cheap" no matter how much you make! My mom stayed at home and my dad worked and I feel certain that times were not always easy, but my mom made sure we had what we needed and would save so we could have that pair of "Calvin Klein" jeans or some fancy boots three girls were happy to get one Christmas. She taught us not to live beyond our means and that is not always easy, but she did teach us! Credit cards are a no-no. If you can't pay for it, you don't need it. I think her faith is all a part of this, too. I guess the Christian living should have been my first point. Seems that everything leads back to that.
* One of Shelly's friends called my mom a "hottie". This wasn't too many years ago. She is a beautiful woman. She wasn't brought up easy and pampered and she isn't afraid to paint, remodel a house, peel up ten layers of flooring, or any other manual labor, but she is still pretty. I think she resembles Lady Diana. Mother will be truly embarrassed that I just said that. She is very conservative and classy and is always on the lookout for the perfect pair of black slacks. She doesn't dress too young and is a petite thing so she could totally wear lots of things in her size, but she is a believer (as am I) that just because it comes in your size doesn't mean you should wear it.
Last night I had a dream about a birthday..... at the time I thought it was my birthday, but I remember that my sister Kim was there and had given a neat little gift and was apologizing that it wasn't expensive (which she often did but always picked out the most thoughtful gifts), Shelly was there laughing with me and my mom was standing there watching us. I don't dream of Kim often... I was so thrilled when I woke up that I had actually seen her in my dream. My dad wasn't there- sure he wished he would have been. I know that my sister was celebrating my mom's birthday and reminding me that I am here on earth with her and I need to cherish the time I have with her. I knew if I called my mom and tried to tell her about the dream that it would end with me sobbing and her trying to figure out what the heck I was talking about, so decided to spare those tears and write about it. The fact my mom was just watching us shows the best gift we could ever give her- our laughter and our love for her and each other. How could we be any other way? We learned from the best. I know why birthdays could make her sad. I am glad that she has the birthdays, though! Gives us another reason to celebrate and eat cake..or pie (that she makes, of course)!
Love you mom.... glad you are still with me. As I tell you often "don't die, I need you- and Shelly has promised to take care of you when you get really, really old. You can live with me but you only have to go up the stairs... once". :)
P.S. My mom is totally laughing right now saying "well, she's telling the truth" about the comment above!
Happy Birthday mom!
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